Where is my Chick-a-dee? (reworked)

Dear Juzno,

It has come to our attention that you have just retired from your regular job.  Congratulations. 

For a limited time, we are offering jobs to retirees who may want to make extra money on the side.  While money may not be a concern to you right now, in a few years your hard earned pension may no longer be sufficient to allow you to continue with your lifestyle.  We are offering a hefty monetary package and fringe benefit.  I am quite sure that you will not be disappointed by what we have to offer. 

We are a small firm that specializes in quick money.  Please call me at your earliest convenience so we can talk more about our company and the exciting job that awaits you here. 

Sincerely yours,

Bernard “Bernie” Madoff

Dear Mr Madoff,

Thank you for your letter.  I am almost positive that I heard your name before but couldn’t quite pinpoint it.  Your offer is very attractive.  However, at this time, I am quite busy chasing chickens on my backyard, which does require full time attention.  Don’t get me wrong, I could use the extra bread.  Yet the idea of going back to work seems to be a regression of the worst sort.  Hence, at this moment, I would have to respectfully decline on your generous offer.

Please do not attempt to respond to this letter.  My lawyer has advised me that further persuasion from such a prominent company as yours could result in a restraining order.  I am confident that this legal action would be unnecessary.  Yet it is best to mention it just the same.

Yours truly,

Juzno